Hanging By A Moment
by Avaris Sky
Summary: His arms tightened around me as I hung weakly unto to him, trying to desperately remember all of him at this moment. ::VH:: {{ Tissue & Spoiler Warning }}


_Desperate for changing  
Starving for truth  
Closer where I started  
Chasing after you _

I sighed and closed my eyes, breathing in the thick sunshine that filtered through the leafy canopy of the Fanellian forest. 

I'll always remember this. 

The smell of crushed pine needles and sweet cedar. 

The way the sunlight danced in the trees as they moved in the wind.

The smell of you… Van. 

My pendent hung around my neck more like a lead weight then a crystal, burning into my throat as tears stung my eyes. 

"Hey." 

He titled my head up towards him, so our eyes met and I was lost forever in their hurt. 

"Don't cry. Good-byes aren't forever." 

At that moment, I would have gladly given up everything that I've held onto in a heartbeat to believe in those words. 

_I'm falling even more in love with you  
Letting go of all I've held onto  
I'm standing here until you make me move  
I'm hanging by a moment here with you_

_  
_ 

I silently pleaded with him, not to do this, not to make this any harder. 

To stop looking at me this way. 

His eyes where so filled with hurt and longing, I felt my heart shatter into a thousand tiny shards again… and again… 

Why? 

Why did he have to be so beautiful? 

Why did he have to be so wonderful? 

Why did he have to be so _Van_? 

A sob escaped my throat, and he brushed away a single teardrop with his thumb, his hand cupping my chin. 

_Forgetting all I'm lacking  
Completely incomplete  
I'll take your invitation  
You take all of me _

Words tumbled through my head, and yet none of them would come out of my mouth. 

For the first time in my life, I didn't know what to say… 

Van mumbled something I couldn't make out as he crushed me to his chest in a hug. 

My world flickered and contracted in his arms, all I felt, all I knew, was him at that moment. 

His arms tightened around me as I hung weakly unto to him, trying desperately to drink up all of his scent, burning into my memory the tingling feeling of his touch, trying to desperately remember all of him at this moment, never wanting to let go of him. 

_Now, I'm falling even more in love with you  
Letting go of all I've held onto  
I'm standing here until you make me move  
I'm hanging by a moment here with you _

I didn't want to… I couldn't… 

This was the moment I had been waiting for so long. 

I was going home. 

I… missed them… Yukari, Mom… Amano… 

But… I… 

He pulled away from me hesitatingly, and I swallowed hard. 

He cupped the energist between us, his forehead resting against mine, his beautiful, beautiful swanlike neck dipped, his breathing slow and irregular. 

"Hitomi… I…" 

_I'm living for the only thing I know  
I'm running and not quite sure where to go  
I don't know what I'm diving into  
Just hanging by a moment here with you _

The light poured out the energist like fire searing around my feet, separating me from him. 

A single, last whimper came from my lips as I stared into his deep eyes. 

I'll never forget his eyes at that moment. 

They reflected what I was feeling inside. 

Lost. 

_There's nothing else to lose  
Nothing else to find  
There is nothing in the world that can change my mind  
There is nothing else  
There is nothing else…_

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

I sighed, curling my toes up in the pure white sand of the beach. 

Dryden once told me that hope can heal any wound, not matter how deep. 

I know it's only been three months since… 

Since… Since I came back to Earth… 

But the pain in my heart is just as strong as it was the day I let go of him. 

I wonder if there really is a way to ever fully fill the hole in my heart that was left by loosing Van. 

What I had with Van was deeper then friendship… deeper then love even… 

We where peanut butter to each other's jelly. The chocolate sauce to each other's ice cream. 

We are what makes each other whole. 

Nothing can heal that kind of hole. 

Nothing but hope. 

Hope that one day we will be together again. 

I know things will never be the same again… But… 

I can't explain it… it's almost like a sixth sense… It's telling me that no matter what happens, in the end, we will always be together. 

Even though we're far apart… we're still one. 

No matter what happens, no matter what Fate gives me---- 

I know that I will always love you, Van Fanel. 

From this moment, until the day I die. 

I will always love you. 

~ Avaris Sky  

© April 28, 2003 / Edited and revised as of January 27, 2004 

// Song lyrics by Lifehouse // Standard disclaimer applies //  


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